The coronavirus came, slapped us, and still lingers. With our confinement we have seen our nation wring its hands with fear, watched countless television shows, and for the most part been bored to tears. It’s been tough.
There is one thing good about the coronavirus - it can create a laugh or two, not a laugh at the illness and death but some of the circumstances.
Allow me to share some of the laughs I’ve had during this time. Yes, I have swiped the jokes from all over the place but these zingers prove that laughter is a good medicine for any virus.
•I discovered I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
•Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
•Wearing your pajamas all the time will make you feel everything is just dandy.
•I get excited when it's time to take out the garbage. I just have trouble deciding what to wear.
•Suggestion - every few days put your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
•I heard some homeschool teachers were fired for drinking on the job.
•The kid next door told his homeschool mom, "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year."
•One day I was so bored I read the classifieds. The best I read said, “Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.”
•I don’t know what to think of COVID-19. I didn't see COVID-1 through 18, so I don't really have anything to compare it to.
•If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 days quarantine you probably should have seen a doctor long before COVID-19.
•Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in nine months, and then one day in 2033, we will shall witness the rise of The Quaranteens.
•Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
•Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
•On Day 4 of quarantine my wife said, “I’m ready to follow the new 25 step skin care routine.”
•On Day 5 of quarantine I went to this restaurant called The Kitchen. You gather all ingredients and make your own meal. I wonder how this place is still in business,
•On Day 6 of quarantine without sports, I found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she is my wife.
•I feel like all women are a week away from doing something traumatic to their hair.
•In eight weeks 90% of the blondes will disappear from the face of the earth.
•If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die, I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
•Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
•They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
•Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call."
•I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.
•Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.
•How come the liquor stores don't have empty shelves? Don't people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses?
•The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!
Keeping smiling. We have better days are ahead.